So, it is almost that time of year when I began my journey! It is strong in my mind of the thoughts and feelings that attacked me then. Today, I find myself attacked by different thoughts and demons. In about 2 weeks, I will present for the first time my adventure traversing the land between Northern Georgia and the middle of Maine. Boy how I miss that journey! Some days, "reality" feels overwhelming! Other days, I feel as though I am an alien visiting a different planet!
Today, I do not know where I fit in "reality!"
As I move through events here in Denver, I realize I am just going through the motions for the most part! Recently, I applied for my old position as a coach for beginning runners. Yesterday, I was informed there were not enough runners to warrant me as a coach. Thus no position for this season. For the past 2 days, I have been very disappointed by this concept thinking it had something to do with me...
After all, "I just accomplished something amazing, why would anyone deny me?"
Of course, after the news last week of my only having the presentation at my home REI rather than there and the flagship store, I guess I have been awakened to the idea that I am not a superhero to anyone other than myself! That takes some getting use to, I guess!
These past few days, I am learning to enjoy the little slice of enlightenment I have been allowed to enjoy through my travels of self discovery! At the same time, I find myself very frustrated by these realizations of my growth. On my last posting, my aunt Carol posted a response of my changing the world through the knowledge gained during my journey! In response I can only say that I am only one person in a vast sea of self-consumed human population!
Along with my recent revelations, I look at my mother and the tribulations she has had to deal with in her life...
1. An adulter for a husband
2. Single parenthood
3. Emotional abuse from her employer due to fear she was more competent than he
4. Again abuse from her equals because they have nothing better to do than jump on the band wagon for fear they may be chastised for thinking for themselves and voicing their true opinions!!!
My mother's comment in a recent email really made me think of the trail and my difficulties in adjusting back to "normal" society upon my return. Here is that comment: " Is that why things like this happen - because one is tough? I'm going to turn into a wimp!"
As I look at my journey and some people's lack of interest in what I endured for 5 months, I realize that my mother created 2 wonderful daughters despite the hardships she endured! From that, she has grown and learned. From my journey I also have grown and learned. As time passes, we may be the only truly enlightened people. That frightens me! I can only hope the best for the world and what it may become. As time passes, I do hope to impart not only the knowledge I gained from being in tune with nature for 5months, but also the many great things my mother taught me through the years! To her, I owe my existence as well as the entire journey along the Appalachian Trail. She has always made me choose to dance! Thank You mother and I hope to continue to make you proud in everything I do! I love you for being my strength as well as my heart and head!